Reflections on Storytelling

View from one of our daily pre-writing hikes

I recently attended a storytelling workshop with renowned Ojibway author Richard Wagamese and found myself in the unfamiliar role of a student. I believe as teachers we should pursue this “student” experience more often.  We are in danger of forgetting the insecurities and tension that accompanies the role. Richard approaches his writing from a tradition of spontaneous oral storytelling. He speaks of all stories as “energy” and embraces the philosophy that all things and all people have stories to share if you are willing to listen. To ask someone to share stories out loud without much preparation requires a fundamental commitment to creating an environment free of doubt and judgment and fear. Richard masterfully worked to eliminate these concepts from the moment we started the workshop. Early on the first day we were presented with a colourful rubber chicken and asked to give it a name. Any pestering inner voice advising us that our words or ideas weren’t good enough, required a prompt self-whack on the head from our chicken. Chickens have power. Likewise if any other member of the group voiced elements of self criticism we all shared a responsibility to counter their negativity with our chickens. It immediately created a playful method to reinforce a non-judgmental atmosphere where we would be free to share and risk and create. 

At first our stories began from a place of safety and familiarity. We shared ideas aloud with each other but drew from previous experiences of emotion and power. We didn’t have to stretch ourselves too far to find inspiration, we only had to play with methods of sharing those experiences with others. This also intertwined us with the histories of the rest of the group. One of the most memorable experiences of the entire four days came from interviewing a partner about a significant memory and then re-telling the memory as that person. Speaking in first person and using someone else’s voice to describe an emotional experience fused us in a way I would not have thought possible considering the length of time we had known one another. Stories connect. Stories break down differences and stereotypes and transport you into the life and thoughts of another human being as their story becomes a part of yourself. They move us beyond barriers of age and gender and ethnicity and perspective and judgement. It is something I will never forget. It is something I will do again.

The rubber chicken: nemesis of negativity

From the safety of previous memories and familiar experiences Richard guided us into more risky territory with the challenge of spontaneously creating thoughts and ideas that were completely new. Our story prompts became random and scattered. They deliberately forced us out of our comfort zones to create something from the recesses of our imaginations and beyond the realms of previous experience. At once it was both daunting and exhilarating; the chickens came out on more than one occasion. But we were permitted to be silly and nonsensical as we wove our ideas and voiced them out loud from a pure and spontaneous place. 

As we moved from oral tradition into the written word we were suddenly faced with years of the regulations and structures that we all associate with writing. Spelling, grammar, sentence structure and punctuation expectations reared up to crush the pure joy of creating stories and sharing them with one another. Fear and judgement threatened to resurface. Cue the chickens. 

Richard had a simple solution:

There are no rules. There. Are. No. Rules. therearenorulestheirarenoruleztherernorules

We wrote pages of intentional run-on sentences. We wrote. fragments. We joyously rejected every grammatical commandment that had ever been forced upon us by the expectations of formal writing. I simultaneously laughed and cringed at the memory of every red stroke I received on a piece of writing and the many I have personally scribed on the papers of my students. We wrote and we wrote and we wrote and we laughed and cried and exchanged the powerful thoughts that emerged. 

After an entire day of creative expression we gradually added some punctuation and structure but those elements never made us compromise our creativity or expression. Instead of viewing sentence elements as rules and confinements, we recognized them for their true purpose: to create a rhythm and flow that honours the words being used and increases their impact.

At the end of the fourth day I was astounded by what what each of us had created. We had spoken and written not for recognition or approval or to convince or persuade others. We wrote for the pure joy of creative expression-the pure freedom of sharing something from within you and the absolute privilege of hearing stories told from the hearts of others. It was unforgettable.

The entire experience has inspired a reflection on our education system. We truly have it backwards. We begin with the rules and the structures and the judgements. We place students in a box increasingly reinforced with layers of requirements and expectations. Then we are surprised when they can’t create a story, when they can’t solve a problem, when they can’t think for themselves. I asked Richard what he felt were some improvements we could make in education and he responded that our school system lacked “soulfulness”. He’s right. We take education and we disconnect student learning from spontaneity and creativity and play. So often we completely separate the curriculum from Who. They. Are. In September I will go back to my grade 12 students and all of us will walk into the world of provincial exams, university expectations, graduation requirements, percentages and letter grades. We will live in the world of judgements and rankings and rules, but my number one priority will be to begin in a place of freedom. We will go back to the world of childhood play. We will create. We will share. We will get to know each other and ourselves. The rules and restrictions will be there waiting for us, but I promise we will begin with the soul. 

Exploring Alternate Assessments

Right before spring break I attended a meeting designed to explore the future of final summative assessments for academic courses in our school. In attendance were 5 teachers who have experimented with alternate assessments at the grade 12 level: two Geography 12 teachers (@RussReid1 and @mustangbevy), one Biology 12, one Physics 12, and one Literature 12 teacher @nsearcy17. Also at the meeting were our district Director of Instruction Don MacIntyre, assessment guru Tom Schimmer, District Helping teacher for School Completion Judith King, Vice-Principal and member of the Ministry of Education Committee for Graduation Requirements Myron Dueck and our school admin team (principal and 2 vice-principals). Now that I look back on it, it was a very good collection of people which is likely why the discussion was so engaging. The initial purpose of the meeting was for the 5 teachers to share what final assessments we had tried, and to get feedback on how to make our assessments more effective. A larger overarching goal of the gathering was to view our assessments through the lens of the Ministry of Education's new cross-curricular competencies and grad requirements. The overall framing questions for the meeting are here.

 Alternate Assessments We Have Tried: For the purpose of this post, this will simply be a summary and I will link more detailed blogs about specifics (from specific teachers) if they become available. To provide context for those who are not familiar with high school courses, all 5 teachers come from a background where our courses were once completed with a final written exam worth 40% of a student's grade. These exams first became optional, and were then phased out all together. All 5 teachers decided to offer options that were different from a traditional pen and paper exam (4 of the 5 teachers still offered a written exam if the students preferred that option).  

Student explains his final Literature project during interview

The teachers gave 3 main reasons for creating alternatives to the traditional final written exam format: 1.The exam was not felt to be appropriate or beneficial for a percentage of students taking the course (specifically those not continuing on to university) 2. The written exam was not suitable for students whose skills did not lend themselves to three hour written exams (for example their strengths were verbal or artistic etc.)  3. The exam did not reflect what the teachers felt were the most important elements of the course (for example the emphasis on factual knowledge vs the ability to apply, or synthesize concepts or to connect to ideas beyond the course itself). 

The range of ideas that the different teachers shared was inspiring. One teacher replaced the traditional exam with 5 days of assessments that included active and varied situations for the students to show their understanding. Another teacher had students design and present final projects based on different elements of the course (kind of like a massive course wide jigsaw activity) and then the final exam was based on those projects. Another teacher had every student present their final projects in an interview. One interesting observation from a number of teachers was that while we had specific "non-academic" students in mind when we designed our alternate options, some of our strongest students took the opportunity to come up with demonstrations that were much more creative and memorable than what they could have represented on a standard written test. 

Where We Struggled: All teachers had challenges (which of course was the purpose of the meeting). Our biggest struggle seemed to be that we were attempting to replace a final provincial exam on which students were responsible for demonstrating all knowledge from the entire course with a project- and this was difficult!  While we all had some very positive results to share, one of the biggest questions that kept arising was:

Student connects knowledge to his observations
during a final "Walkabout" for Geography 12

Must a final summative assessment evaluate student understanding on ALL learning objectives covered? The learning outcomes of any grade 12 academic course are extensive. All 5 teachers had created options that did not cover the course in the breadth that the provincial exams did, however all commented they felt their new assessments allowed students to go more in depth into the areas that they were assessed on. All 5 teachers struggled with finding the balance between assessing both factual knowledge and the ability to use and connect that knowledge. 

Teachers also struggled with how to assess higher order thinking tasks. In Biology 12 for example, the teacher wanted his assessment to not just focus on the student's knowledge of specific terms, but more importantly their relationship with each other and how entire different systems were interconnected. In Literature 12 a key goal was not just for students to memorize key themes and literary devices in the poetry, but at the end of the course to recognize trends across time and historical events and to identify relationships between those events and the poetry. These types of questions and connections are more difficult to assess, and harder for teachers to break down and explain to students what exactly needs to be demonstrated.

Overall Reflections:

To be honest, I think we ended the meeting with more questions than answers but everyone was excited about the discussion generated and the ideas presented. We plan to meet again at the end of April.  All of the teachers have tried alternate assessments at least once and are looking to revise things again this June. These are some of the key questions still to be worked through: 

1. Are these assessments doing what we want them to do? At a meeting a few weeks ago with Maureen Dockendorf I wrote down her comment "Whatever we say we VALUE,  that's what we need to be assessing." Are teachers asking themselves: "What are the most important things I want my students to take away from my course? Am I assessing those elements?"

2. Is this assessment preparing our students for their future paths? This question must be asked for students who are both pursuing post secondary education and those who are not. What are the most important things our students will need when they graduate? 

3. How does this relate to the future direction the ministry is heading in and future graduation requirements? Where do the cross-curricular competencies of critical thinking, communication, and personal and social awareness fit in?

4. Is one final assessment adequate for what we want students to take away from their education? Perhaps there is no such thing as a single assessment for an entire course. Perhaps one assessment cannot demonstrate everything we want students to show us. (Our discussion briefly touched on "combination assessments" that used more than one element such as interviews, portfolios, projects and written assessments or presentations). 

I was inspired by the teachers at my school who shared both their successes and challenges, and I know we were all grateful for the support and feedback from everyone who was there. This is an issue that many people are working on throughout the province. See Chris Kennedy's post here for a good summary of thinking in B.C. right now, and please feel free to comment on this post to share your ideas. Looking forward to the next meeting!

Consciously Creating Community

The culture in a classroom is something that I have come to believe is extremely important for optimal learning.  While it's probably safe to say that any competent teacher realizes the value of developing a positive relationship with his or her students, even greater  accomplishments can be achieved if an environment is created where the students value strengths in each other.  Creating this environment does involve a shift in thinking when approaching curriculum. Instead of a class being approached where the teacher alone is responsible for delivering the curriculum, the teacher instead makes a goal to construct an environment where every student contributes their strengths and talents towards the collective learning of the group.  Every student is then seen as an asset of the group and a potential contributor to the learning environment.  Ideally, instead of the passion and talents and ideas of one person (the teacher) being used to create the learning environment, you instead have the diversified impact of 30 individuals. 

There are many reasons why building community in the classroom is not prioritized in most high school classrooms.  Heavy curriculum objectives, lack of time, and the pressure of exams and university entrance often weigh heavily on high school teachers and students alike.  If the purpose of a course is only to cover curriculum and students never have to speak to each other, what need is there to build community?  There are ways that this can be achieved at the high school level however, and there are three in particular I will focus on using examples from my current Literature 12 class.

1. Explicit Focus on Community

From the first day of class I tell my students that the expectations for the course will be a little different. They are told that this course isn't just about them and how well they achieve (or don't achieve). This course will be about the collective achievement and understanding of all of us. If one student is away, then the rest of us are incomplete and missing out on what that student could be sharing with the rest of the class. This can certainly be a bit of a stretch for grade 12 students. In most classes their understanding and engagement only determines their individual experience, and would not be expected to impact other kids. In this class students are led to understand that we are all working to create the optimum collective learning environment for all students. We are all working for the success of everyone. If 29 students are present and one is missing then we are less than we could be. This is a definite mind shift for many kids (and can be difficult for students who may have a previous negative history with another person in the class). (Disclaimer: A student's marks are never dependent upon the contributions of others, but that is a blog post for another day!)  


2. Showcasing Student Strengths

This can be a bit of a vicious cycle.  A sense of community must be established so that students will feel comfortable sharing their strengths, talents, and passions, yet the sharing of those strengths and talents, and the valuing of them by other students is what builds community. A survey on the first day of class indicated that two students in the class this semester are passionate dancers. At first glance, a literature course might not appear to allow for much room for dance moves, but it simply requires a small reversal of the way the teacher approaches the course. Instead of delivering the content of the course and rewarding only the students who have strengths that lend themselves directly to the subject matter (traditionally reading and writing), the teacher begins with the strengths of the students and then creates ways for students to explore that course using their interests or talents whenever possible. Even better if those strengths can be used to connect the curriculum to the learning of the entire class.  A very simple example is below.  In the Shakespeare play "King Lear" a crucial scene involves a storm that is very symbolic and in this case the two dancers choreographed a very simple dance routine that the class could perform. They knew it was essential that the routine was one that the entire class could imitate so it connected everyone to the activity.  The two students put a 1 minute video on youtube and the class used it to learn the moves for the next day.  It wasn't a large part of the class but it allowed these two students to showcase their talents, it created a memorable moment connected with a Shakespearean play and it added some kinesthetic elements to the lesson. The one minute clip below includes a portion of the youtube tutorial and a short clip of the students teaching the rest of the class. 





3. Connecting Curriculum to Community

Some parts of Literature 12 naturally lend themselves to the theme of building community. During these times students complete activities that link directly to anything that could be classified as "team building". One such example is "Meditation 17" by John Donne. This is a complex essay written in the 17th century that includes the famous quote "No man is an island".  As this is one part of the curriculum that links directly to the goal of building community, in class it is taught through the lens of our actual class and its members and how we are all dependent on each other.  Another topic covered in Literature is Cavalier Poetry which is known for its theme of "Carpe Diem".  To connect to the Cavalier poems in the course, students make lists of things they would like to achieve during their lives and then demonstrate their trust in their classmates by sharing those dreams with them.  The video below was made to capture both the class's sharing of dreams (Carpe Diem) and the theme that "No Student Is an Island".  Images of various highlights from the class (this video was made about 1/2 way through the course) were added to show the connectedness of the group and how the experiences are enhanced by the participation of all members.  The final requirement of the video was that every single member of the class had to be included. 






Now it may appear that a Literature class lends itself to community (as you could argue that any humanities course has a nature of interconnectedness in the subject area itself), but most of the poems on the core curriculum do not connect directly to community and cover numerous other topics including  love, death, war, fear, industrialism, the natural world, etc.  The point is that whenever the curriculum does connect, it is used to build community.  All humanities courses have elements of interconnectedness but so do other subject areas.  See this blog by @okmbio for an example of connecting curriculum (themes such as valuing unity and diversity) to community in a Biology classroom. (Thanks as well for an introduction to the Animoto program which I learned after reading this particular post.) The traditional fear is that if time is spent on developing community, then understanding of the learning outcomes will be sacrificed, however the time spent is actually a high return investment, as the students ultimately show more understanding when the collective energy and focus of the group is applied to the learning outcomes. 

The Big Picture

Our education system is the backbone of a healthy and democratic society that values the lives of every individual, and our classrooms should reflect what we hope our society to be: a collection of diverse and unique individuals who are respected for their individuality and yet value contributions to the common good.  As a grade 12 teacher I am particularly sensitive to the teaching of our future citizens, and  I am very proud of the fact that Literature classes in my school include traditional "academic" students, students from our alternate education program, students with behavioural designations,  and students who are completing school leaving certificates instead of a regular diploma.  It is my belief that all courses and curriculum should be taught through the lens of community, leadership, and inclusion. Everything our students learn should be applied to their own lives and if our high school students cannot see the value and strengths of other individuals who they spend 5 months learning together with,  then why would we expect them to see the strengths and value of others outside our classrooms?  Every step we take in this direction not only improves our classroom communities but echoes positively beyond the walls of our schools.  It may be an ideal, but it is an ideal worth striving for. 

A Change of Scenery

I wanted to reflect on something that I observed recently both in my own class and in the class of another teacher. Setting makes a difference. As teachers we all know this, but sometimes we assume that our only options exist within the four walls of our classrooms and that is simply not the case. I'm going to relate 3 observations from the past few weeks that highlighted how effective a change of environment can be on student learning. 

Two weeks ago I took my class to a local cafe to do our lesson. We were studying a particularly dry poem from the 18th century and my (admittedly weak) curricular link was that the coffee house was invented in the 18th century so we had to do some "research". In truth, the students just completed a lesson that they would have completed in the classroom but it was a well needed change of scenery. The result was that the kids took their tasks much more seriously than I believe they would have if they had been back in the classroom. The environment in the cafe was mellow and comfortable and as they worked we chatted about how many discussions and breakthroughs happen outside the classroom and in informal environments. To be fair, I had carefully planned the lesson, structured the activities purposefully and made up the groups ahead of time, but I know that the results were far better than the same activities would have been in my regular classroom. 

This past week we went to the graveyard to study another poem (this activity comes directly out of the Literature 12 IRP) but again, the change of environment worked to enhance the experience and overall effectiveness of the lesson. In this case, the setting of the lesson was directly related to the learning objectives. For this class I also added another component  to save time. The bus ride to and from the graveyard takes approximately 15 minutes so we used a "flipped" approach where I made an 8 minute video to cover the introduction to the lesson so the transport time was used effectively and the students were briefed for the lesson while I was driving to the site. During the return trip students were asked to jot down notes for a final reflection or "exit slip" so I could assess their learning.

Finally, on Friday I was working with a math 9 class that was completing a lesson in the foods lab on rational numbers. For a more detailed breakdown of the lesson itself please see the blog of a teacher who did this lesson previously. Afterwards when the math teacher and I were debriefing the lesson I asked him if he had noticed a difference in the engagement of the students compared to more of a "stand-and-deliver" model in the classroom. What he said was that while he certainly felt that the activity of making the food  increased the engagement the students, he had tried active and hands-on options in his class before and he felt the change of setting (different room/different adults involved etc.) had an even bigger impact on the focus of some of his students. He went on to say that in his P.E. classes he could see a difference if he had the same P.E. class play a game of soccer in the gym vs. outside on the field vs. downtown in the city's indoor soccer facility. He was amazed how differently the same students involved in the same activity could react in different environments.

All of these observations have got me thinking about how we really should be looking at ways to break down the walls of the classroom. At the high school level especially we have big obstacles such as curricular and timetabling constraints.  However with possible huge changes coming our way (see Darcy Mullin's blog) I think now is the time to start looking at throwing the original model out the window. Creating freedom for learning outside the classroom and outside the school building should be a priority. I was able to take my Literature 12 classes on these trips because of a number of factors:  I have a class-4 drivers licence, my vice-principal  drove my students who we couldn't fit on the bus, I work at a school that has a bus, and I am comfortable enough with technology that I could make a video (which I was able to show on the bus because it has a TV and DVD player) to make up for the class time we were missing in transportation. This trip would be very difficult (if not impossible) for many high school teachers and that needs to change. However, while we are waiting for things such as curriculum to be reduced and timetables to be altered,  teachers can still do creative things outside the classroom that are less intensive (such as taking classes outside, planning field trips within walking distance, or using the gym or foods lab etc.) but it really is time to start looking at breaking down the structural barriers at the high school level so our students will benefit from opportunities like those mentioned above (and so much much more). There are many people already thinking this way (see this awesome blog by David Truss for a start). 

These personal observations in recent weeks, combined with the thoughts of a number of my fellow educators have led me to the conclusion that our entire education system needs a complete change of scenery. 

In Memory

Don McGourlick (age 20)

Note: This is a personal post, and not related to educational theory and practice.

For the first time since I can remember I am not attending a Remembrance Day Ceremony this year. My grandfather (who was a WWII veteran ) passed away on Oct. 26th, and this will be the first time that I haven't called him on Nov. 11th to personally thank him for his service. I didn't even go to our school ceremony on Friday, which as most teachers will tell you is always a bittersweet experience as we recount the horrors and sacrifice of war and yet are filled with hope for the future by the sincerity and respect that our students demonstrate. My grandfather never attended Remembrance Day Ceremonies. He never spoke of his experiences in the war to me. It was also his wish that he not have a funeral service, so instead of going to a ceremony this year, I'm going to write this post at 11am. Forgive me for its lack of polish. 

My grandfather and the rest of his crew (pilot not in photo)

Donald Francis McGourlick enlisted in the RCAF in Oct. 1941 (he was 20). He was a tail gunner who flew in bombing raids over Europe until 1943 when on the night of Aug. 7th his plane was shot down over occupied France. Four of the seven man crew (including the pilot) were killed in the crash. Don parachuted out and managed to evade capture and he eventually connected with members of the French underground. Over the course of the next 3 months Don was moved around France and hidden in various locations including a castle and in the attic of a house that had been commandeered by the Nazis. He was given a fake French identity (as a deaf/mute florist!) and finally smuggled back across the English channel under a pile of fish in a commercial fishing boat. During the time that he was gone, back home he was declared missing and then eventually presumed dead. He had a copy of his own death certificate and his name ended up on the cenotaph in Moose Jaw Saskatchewan. 

When my grandfather returned safely to England and then to Canada, he and my grandmother decided to get married, and they set the date for Dec. 18th, 1943. The night before their wedding my grandfather received a telegram that he was getting sent back over seas. At that point they had to decide whether they should still get married. My grandma jokes that her reasoning was, "the whole church is booked and everybody is already here; we have to get married!" So they went ahead with the ceremony and within the week my grandfather was back in Dorval and then England. The day after he landed in England he was back in a plane with a crew whose tailgunner had been killed the previous day.  Shortly after his return to England he was moved into a Pathfinder squadron and he flew bombing raids with them until the end of the war. He was later awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross (DFC) for his service. After the war, my grandfather returned to France to thank those who had helped him and found that the Nazis had executed people in towns where they discovered that he had been smuggled through.

In front of the cenotaph in Moose Jaw SK (with his name on it)

Of course the man in the above story is not really the man I knew as my grandfather. When he recently passed away, I was working on writing his obituary and I had to ask my grandmother a few questions. She half jokingly said "Well I can read you his first obituary if you like". I know she wasn't serious, but what struck me is how little use the obituary of a 22 year old would be in comparison to the life of someone who has lived to be 91. How much more of his life happened over the next 69 years, and how short his 22 year old obituary was! I'm realizing now (funny how clarity comes when you are writing) that this blog isn't just a tribute to what my grandfather (and so many many others) did during the war, it is really a tribute to the life that he lived after he returned. After the war my grandfather had 2 children (and 4 grandchildren). He returned to university. He became a pharmacist. He lived in many places in Canada and overseas. He flew with Search and Rescue in the lower mainland. He was married to my grandmother for almost 69 years.  

For my part, he was a kick-ass grandpa. My memories of him are of hockey rinks every winter in our backyard, of his "workshop" in the basement where he let us play around with everything from construction supplies to paints and clay to musical instruments to slingshots. I remember numerous fishing trips when I was home "sick" and I remember him picking my brother and I up after school in his VW van with a fridge full of chocolate bars.  He could shoot a gun, build the best tree forts ever and recite classic poetry by heart. He taught me the importance of both creativity and work ethic. His impact on my life has been profound and I think despite everything that he went through, the greatest tribute to his life is that all four of his grandchildren (who are well into their adult lives) were present at 2 in the morning when he passed away. So I will write today to honour my grandfather, and what he contributed to my life, but also use his life to respect those men and women whose obituaries really were written when they were so very young.  Four members of my grandfather's flight crew never had granddaughters who could reflect on their lives, and all the soldiers on that cenotaph in Moose Jaw were denied so many future experiences. Of course this is just a tiny tiny fraction of the lives that we have lost in so many wars. It is actually my grandmother who has reminded our family many times over the past few weeks that we should be looking at my grandfather's death with gratitude for the time we actually had. We are the lucky ones. 

What Divides Us

On the way to Vancouver

As I write, I'm listening to the chatter of 50 teenagers travelling on a whirlwind 10-hour bus trip to Vancouver. Our goal is to watch what will likely be a rousing and inspiring performance put on by the Bard on the Beach Shakespeare production company. Though the DVD player is not working, and for some reason none of the students happen to have any cassette tapes (yes, cassette tapes) on hand for the cassette player, the positive energy is infectious. This is a good day. The Bard on the Beach company truly values the opportunity for students to experience live Shakespeare and graciously reduces their regular $40.00 ticket prices down to $15.00 for a series of student matinees. We cut further costs by reducing the trip to one day, but that means we must charter a bus with a professional driver, and the tickets plus bus costs for the 50 students will run us in the area of $3000.00. Though our P.A.C. generously contributes each year, we still need to charge the students $50.00 each (plus food expenses) for the trip. 

The result is that we have students who can’t afford to go.

I’m lucky that I work in a (relatively) small school where I know most of the kids, and if I don’t, there is likely another staff member that has a connection to them. If I see a student that showed initial interest (came and got a permission form and parent letter) but never ended up paying the money, then I feel comfortable discreetly asking them if there is a reason that they changed their mind.  Some kids are extremely adept at covering up and quickly provide a reason such as they have to work, or they have other commitments. Sometimes these stories are authentic, but I know there are always students who lie because they are embarrassed to admit they simply don't have the funds.  I spoke with a number of  students this year who owned up to not having the money.  I was able to convince them to come if we waived their fees but the conversation was obviously awkward and uncomfortable. 

When I was in grade 10 my school offered a three day hiking trip to Mt. Robson for all students in my grade. I went to the initial information meeting (as did most of my classmates) and immediately got excited as the teacher sponsors described everything we would experience. Later in the meeting came the cost breakdown. The trip was going to cost $90 in straight fees and each student would need hiking boots, an actual hiking-grade back-pack, a sleeping bag and food for three days. While I was by no means living in poverty,  my mom was a single parent,  and the $90 plus new hiking boots, sleeping bag, back-pack and other expenses just weren’t going to be affordable at the time. I started convincing myself that the trip wasn’t such a big deal. I didn’t like hiking much anyway…I was too busy…I would miss too much school…the whole trip was going to be lame….except I knew none of these were true. It was going to be an awesome trip and many of the grade 10s (including all of my closest friends) were definitely going. I never went back to the next info session and I tried to put it out of my mind. 

I'll never truly understand why we equate lack of money with inferiority and shame but there was no way I was going to admit to anyone that I couldn’t afford that trip. I was absolutely mortified when a teacher approached me and asked why I had stopped attending the trip meetings when I was so obviously excited initially. She asked me point blank if money was the issue and I (never having the skill of lying on the spot) admitted it was. The teacher explained that the school would cover the $90 and one of the PE teachers would lend me a set of used hiking boots and they would round up the rest of the equipment. I did go on the trip and it ended up becoming one of my favourite memories of my high school experience-not just grade 10. The trip was so memorable that it spawned a lifelong love of hiking and led to other adventures including the West Coast Trail and the Bowron Lake chain. When my own son turns 12 I am taking him and my husband up Mt. Robson.  The trip that I couldn't afford turned out to be life-altering.

Talking to students who can’t afford to pay for something always reminds me of that experience. I can see them hesitate about whether or not it is worth it to tell me the truth. I can see that they truly want to participate in the activity but accepting charity is awkward at best and most of the time downright embarrassing no matter how gently I try to make the offer.  I also know that their parents are embarrassed as well. No loving parent plans to deny a child the experiences and opportunities that his peers are given. No parent wants to tell a child she can't provide something her child deserves to have. When my mom found out that the school was going to pay for the trip and I was going to borrow second hand hiking boots she was devastated, and then trapped by the decision to either accept the help or deny her daughter a great experience.  I’d also like to point out that poverty does not equal laziness or poor character.  Yes, we have families in our school who have never paid a cent of school fees, but chances are they aren’t living the high life from the money they are saving by cheating the school system. Chances are the majority of them are struggling everyday to make things work for their families and it could be any number of circumstances that have put them in a current position of need.  I will speak for the students who couldn’t pay for this particular trip. They are inspiring, hardworking and ethical young men and women. Their character is a testament that their parents have succeeded in the ways that count the most. 

We cannot forget that it is possible for someone to be working as hard as they can every day and still not have enough. Some parents may be struggling with substance abuse or mental illness and the last thing we should be doing is making their children pay the price.  These are the students that need these opportunities the most and we must continue to find ways to provide them; education must continue to be the great equalizer.   Every student should have access to amazing drama performances, trips to the wilderness, participation on sports teams or in specialized programs. Financial circumstances should never separate a child from experiences or opportunities that will enrich their lives.

To The Finish

Yearbook pic of the 2 of us during the race
(we did have colour photography back then!)

This is the time of year when everyone is truly exhausted. The end is in sight and yet it seems particularly difficult to make it those last few steps. I currently have two students who are missing work or failing units and putting my course (and thus their graduation) at risk.  I am seriously frustrated with these two at the moment. Marks are due on Monday and it would be a pretty easy argument to say that my work with them is finished. I have done my part. However, whenever I get to the end of my rope (which is usually near the end of June) I think back to a defining moment during my own Grade 12  year. 


The ancient grainy photo to the left captures me during our school's annual "Milk Run".   I clearly remember the beginning of the race when I lined up with the massive crowd of restless students behind the starting line. As I waited nervously my basketball coach Mr. Henly came up beside me and asked if we could run together. The two of us often went jogging so I didn't have an issue, but I was aware that it might be a struggle to keep up with him during a competitive race. The starter's gun went off and the two us set off at what I would describe as an uncomfortably quick pace, and I was instantly aware that it would be difficult for me to maintain our speed, even for a race as short as the 3km route.  I was a decent athlete in high school, but team sports were my thing and I had never really excelled at track. We were passing all sorts of "runners' though and I knew we were really flying when we passed one of the top female track athletes in the school. About halfway through the run I knew I was in serious trouble. All the usual cliches apply here: my lungs were screaming and my legs were burning. The remainder of the route was basically flat but any runner knows that a kilometer and a half can seem like a thousand when you have pushed your body beyond its limit. Through it all Mr. Henly kept up a steady chatter of encouragement. I was breathing too hard to offer any comments in return. 

Bird's Eye view of the end of the race course

We kept running, and I kept suffering. Finally we came in sight of the school and were within about 200 m of the finish line when disaster struck. My body simply gave out. My legs stopped moving and I came to an absolute standstill. Never before or since that day have I actually stopped moving forward during a run. My collapse was especially unlikely because I could see the finish line across the parking lot.  There is no way I wouldn't have mentally powered myself forward if it was physically possible.  Mr. Henly ran a few steps and then turned around when he realized I had stopped. He said, "Come on kid, let's go! We're almost there."
 "I can't," I panted, "I'm done. You keep going."
 He wouldn't listen: "Nope, come on, you can make it."  


 I was now becoming extremely angry. I was furious with myself for not being able to continue. I was  embarrassed that I was quitting, and I was especially upset that I was letting him down. I also felt he was making it worse because now I was costing him important seconds on his own finishing time.   I begged him to just keep going and to leave me alone, but he continued to stand there. My frustration was overwhelming. What was he doing? Why was he just standing there making an already humiliating situation even more painful?  "Come on," he urged again, "you can do this". 


No. I couldn't. I was done. And then I did something that embarrasses me to this day. I glared at one of the adults I respected as much as anyone else in my life and spat out, "What the hell does it matter to you anyway?"


At this point I'd given him every possible reason to walk away. I was angry, I was disrespectful, and with my last comment I'd certainly made it personal. He could have left me at that point and no one (including me) would ever have thought he had made the wrong decision, but he didn't. He just looked at the ground and said quietly, "Look Naryn, walk if you have to and I'll walk with you". 


Whether I just gave up on the idea of getting him to leave, or whether I had gotten my wind back by this time,  I slowly began to walk, and then jog again, and the two of us rounded the parking lot and finished the race.  I actually tried to out sprint him over the last 50 metres which he found amusing while finishing the race just slightly in front.  


I was confused for a long time about why he didn't just keep running once I had stopped. I had appreciated him running with me during the race but it made no sense for him to stay behind once I had quit. I can honestly say that it wasn't until over a decade later after I became a teacher, and after I became a mother that something dawned on me. I realized that he couldn't have cared less about how well he did in the race. It was never about him. It was always about me. His number one priority was that I finished the race. As a teenager, you really think that everyone views the world the way you do, but now I understand. Now it all makes sense. 


So here at the end of another school year I find myself in the shoes of Mr. Henly.  I have students that are driving me crazy because they are so close to finishing and yet they have stalled. It's also extremely frustrating that the more I try to encourage them to finish the more angry and confused they are about why it is bothering me so much that they are going to fail. In my mind all I am doing is bending over backwards to help them and all I am getting in return is attitude. In their minds, it would be a heck of a lot easier if their teacher would at least give them the dignity of failing alone, and not add a guilt trip on top of it. 


But because of that day so many years ago, I am certain that they aren't quitting right now because they desire failure. I  know they are honestly frustrated because they aren't having success and now they feel they are letting me down too. Their anger is created from their own inability to just finish, and it's very possible they won't understand my motivation as their teacher for many years (if ever). Do students have the right to fail? Absolutely. However when I have kids who have hung in all semester (with so many other obstacles in their lives) and who now for whatever reason just can't seem to take those last few steps, I will remember the teacher who stood stubbornly beside me that day and said, "I will not give up on you." I will stay with my own students until they are able to finish the race. I too will stand beside them and say, "Walk if you have to, I'll walk with you".